So I was visiting Michelle's blog the other day and seen that she had started doing this 30 Days of Truth. Michelle found this over at Angel Believes blog. I also have come across writers block lately w/ the way life has been so this I decided to join along w/ them and do this. I have linked Angels blog directly to the questions so that if you would like to do it also you can find them easily.
Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.
What a tough, yet easy one. There are many things I hate about myself, but I guess we'll go with the one on the top of my list.
I hate that I am bipolar. Many many people think that this is something we choose to be, or something that can be controlled, but I'm here to tell you it's not. I don't think that there is a single person in this world that would choose to be this way. It took years for me to finally find out why I am the way I am, and though now I am on medication and it does help...it doesn't make it go away.
Really, who wants to depend on a medication to be functional. Can I function without medicine, absolutely, but do I function well, absolutely not. Without medication I go through many ups and downs. Many different emotions in a short time period. Racing thoughts that just don't stop. It's rather annoying. Then at night I can't sleep, because my brain doesn't stop. Imagine watching TV with someone just holding the channel button down and flipping through. That is how my thoughts go. So falling asleep is no easy task. Usually having the TV on helps me, because then I'm concentrating on something atleast, and usually that can help. Some days though, nothing can help and I lay for hours on end awake, tossing and turning, praying for sleep.
A few other things, I hate my nose, I hate my ears, I hate that my hair is thinning out. I hate that I can't cook, because I really do want to be able to cook. My husband can whip something up out of nothing, but me...I have to have a recipe, and even then, I'm so unsure because I'm afraid it won't be good.
So a new goal in life....learn to love myself for who I am.
Step one of doing that - accepting that I am who I am.
Melissa--You are one of the most AmAzInG women I know. I mean it with all of my heart! I just love you girl and am so happy to have met you.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers. xoxo
Well I definitely think that we (ourselves) can be the most critical of ourselves!! I obviously can't say I understand how you feel living Bi-Polar, but I definitely do APPLAUD you for taking care of yourself, wether that be you have to take meds!! And as far as the cooking, I guess you could think of it as a vacation away from the kitchen, cuz I cook EVERY NIGHT, and I'm starting to think it's overrated!!!!
ReplyDeletewww.happychaoticfamily.com
Thank you for your outright honesty.
ReplyDeleteI personally have no experience living with bipolar BUT, have it in my direct family and I see the struggles one goes through.
Stay strong...and I'm glad I found your blog.
I agree with Laura, you are a amazing person and so thankful that you are in my life. Your the best.
ReplyDeleteI love this meme. what a great idea. I might have to join in. Honesty is the best policy. I hate so many things about myself though. I can't cook either. Ugh. I plan to truly try this fall when all the kids are back in school..
ReplyDeleteI think as women we are so so hard on ourselves. If you asked a man what they hated about themselves they might say that they didn't finish their beer!
ReplyDeleteOh oh and...i used to think I couldn't cook either. Then I started experimenting with a few recipes. Turns out its not that hard! (I think using a recipe still counts as long as the food is edible in the end baby)
Hugs!