Bouncing Back

Man I am having one heck of a time bouncing back from this illness. I laid in bed for nearly 4 days, then moved to the couch for a few days. Today is my first day back at work and I'm exhausted after just a few short hours. I feel like I've put a whole week in already! I don't know how I'm gonna get through a full 12 hours.

It was a decent weekend, I had Braydon all weekend which was a nice change. I miss him so much, but we got in a lot of hang out time. My baby boy is growing up so quickly.

My life has been pretty boring...not uneventful, but that's all a post for another day. Laying around being sick has made me a pretty boring person, but wanted you all to have a quick update and know that I am in fact still alive. Barely....but alive!

I hope that all of you had a wonderful Easter and was able to spend some much needed time with your loved ones. The kids and I didn't get to do much since I was sick, but we spent time together and watched movies and talked about stuff that will make a teenage boy cringe. Very funny thing to watch as well!

Eeeeek.....

I have always dreamed of having a day to lay in bed...or even two days. A relaxing time where I wouldn't be bothered. No troubles in the world to worry about. No husband to fight with at the moment. No kids to be bugging me for one thing or another. No work to be done because I didn't have to go that day. No chores at home to be bothered with because I was in bed and didn't have to do them.

Then comes the day that I got what I wished for. A day of laying in bed all to myself. Nobody bothering, no work, no chores....nothing! But did I think about what price all that would come with? Nope! I thought how great it would be to just lay in bed. To be care fee. Yes, I got just that...kind of. I am getting to lay in bed. I am getting plenty of rest. But the price I am paying...well that would be mono! Yes, you read that right...I have mono!

My day of laying in bed and being confined has turned into 3 days. 3 days of being by myself. Well my precious puppies are staying by my side of course, but confinement really sucks! I get bored. I sleep. I hurt. I sometimes think I laid down and allowed somebody to run me over, back up, and do it all over again....and again. This has hit every part of my body. My joints are killing me. It hurts to move, to turn over. Then there are the times I feel the need to get up and smoke. (Yes I know how bad it is for me, please no lectures) Dr gave me a steroid shot, and put me on a Z pack. Do you know what steroids do to you? They make you HUNGRY! Hungry is not exactly what I need to be when I'm in bed, or confined to one room, or when it hurts to move because then there is no getting up and doing jumping jacks.

So I will from now on be careful what I wish for. Sometimes wishes come true, but they may not exactly be in the form that you wished for.

Maybelline Superstay *Review*

I was invited to join the Maybelline Superstay campaign through a BzzCampaign and I can't say enough about this product.
The Maybelline Superstay is made of a micro-flex formula that stays on all day...literally. It is a 2 step process and will not wear off. First you put on the liquid color and let that dry completely, about 2 minutes (you can apply your other makeup while you are waiting) and then add the conditioning balm to finish out the look. Go ahead, kiss something after you put the liquid color on...I dare you!
I can say without a doubt this is the longest lasting best lip coloring I have ever used. I applied it at 5:30 AM and even left it on all night just to see. Woke up the next morning and no smudges on my pillow and it was still on my lips! To say the least I was impressed. There are 30 different shades to choose from and they are all beautiful. I received 3 different colors and will be buying more.
There is absolutely no caking as some lipsticks do at the corner of your mouth and worse, the inside of your lips. No flaking off, and no feathering. It really lasts the 24 hours they promise it does. Now you do have to reapply the lip balm if you want to keep the shine, and even still putting that on doesn't make the color come off, no matter how many times you apply it. I put that to the test as well. I kissed my husband, pecked the kids on the foreheads and cheeks, and they were clean, no lipstick marks at all.
Go and like Maybelline on Facebook for coupons and updates!

It's My Dirty Laundry...

So it appears that PC feels that by my posting on my blog I am "airing my dirty laundry to the public". So since I don't like doing laundry I am going to continue to share my dirty laundry with y'all in hopes that you will clean it for me. Please...see I asked nicely!

As the story goes, PC and I have decided that we are going to "hold off" on a divorce right now. I don't like the idea of "holding off" but I guess I'll take what I can get.

The past 6 months have been very hard and very trying for me. The battle for custody of my son, my daughters crazy down spiraling behavior, and problems in my marriage. I have to admit that it has all taken it's toll on me. It's been one constant battle after another and I find myself giving up on people and my life. I'm just tired of struggling, financially, emotionally and personally. Every day feels like a battle.

I find myself falling deeper and deeper into depression. Caring less and less about life. I have failed to take my medication for the bipolar disorder...why....because I don't care anymore. Do I know this doesn't help the depression or the moods...well yes of course I do. But I feel like why should I care.

I feel like there are constant battles over the most trivial things. That people in my life choose to fight and argue over minor issues, and refuse to really see what is there. I was asked the other day is love enough? Well yes, in my book love is enough. Love is built on so many things, trust, communication, understanding, and acceptance. Without those, even just one of those I don't think you can have love. So yes...I believe love is enough. I love everyone in my life. I'd lay down and die for any one of them. I have passion for each of those relationships.

So what do you think? Is love enough?

An Invitation

Heather and I are doing a photo blog. This blog will help us to not only use our cameras more but also to learn more about out camera's and photography. So I would love all of you to come over, visit, follow and let us know what you think about our photos. Please be very honest in your opinions, that is how we will learn what is good and what is not.

The Road I Never Wanted To Take

I never imagined that after being together for 7 1/2 years, after 3 years of marriage I would be traveling the road of divorce. I am so broken right now. I can't even begin to tell you what it's like losing my best friend. I can't imagine what my life will be like without him in it. I can't imagine living away from him. I don't know where I will find this strength to go on. To put on a happy face because I have to for my children and my work.

I feel so abandoned. I feel anger and resentment. I feel hurt and broken. All these different emotions at one time is enough to make a person go crazy. It's just that after having someone beside you, loving you, and then losing them rips your heart out. Destroys your dreams of happily ever after. I thought that's what we'd be. I thought we'd grow old together and share many more memories. I thought I would always have him.

So if I am missing for a while, if I'm not posting much or visiting your blogs, please understand that once I find the strength I will. Right now I don't want to read about happy marriages, how great life is for them. I just can't after my world has been crushed and turned upside down.

For you Scott, because I know you read this, you will ALWAYS have my heart, and I will always love you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Justice

Her name was Justice!
I am sure you all remember this post about the horse that has broken my heart for over a year. Watching her slim down and eventually become nothing but skin and bones. The picture honestly does not really show just how skinny and malnourished she was.
Well today I give you some history and an update:
We moved to TN in June 2007. I drive by these 2 horses on a daily basis. I would always smile thinking they must be happy and carefree. They were always beside each other, never far from the other...what better way to go through life than to have a friend always right there by your side. She wasn't always so skinny, she looked pretty healthy when we first moved here. Then one day I noticed she looked a little thinner. Then a month later even thinner. Eventually looking severely malnourished and just skin and bones. I'm sure Prince Charming got sick of hearing me complain about this horse. One who was obviously not being cared for. I couldn't figure out why someone would do that to an animal. A horse doesn't have a choice to leave and go somewhere where they are cared for. They don't have the option of getting a job to buy their own food. They are fully dependent on their owners to love and care for them properly. My neighbor called animal control last year because the horses didn't have blankets on them in the very cold weather. Animal control came out and made them put blankets on them, but they accepted the excuse that she was so skinny because of  her age. Which yes, did play a role in her weight loss, but I don't feel that they did enough to ensure that she kept weight on.

So I drove by every day, heart breaking, wishing I knew what to do for this horse. She needed a voice and I wanted to be that voice for her. I started asking people I worked with. I took the picture and put it on my FB, I posted a blog about it. Hoping and praying somebody could help me come to a solution. I even had one organization contact me from my blog post, she requested more information and I provided her with everything I could. I thought, FINALLY, we are going to be able to get this horse some help. Then....nothing!

March 30th I left work early and as I was approaching where the horses were I seen something odd. The horse was stuck under the fence! OMG! There were 2 gentleman standing there holding the fence over her. She had somehow gotten stuck under the fence. I immediately stopped and jumped out of my car to see what I could do to help. She was just laying on the ground. My heart in my stomach fearing she was dead. She looked at me and said "Well honey you are gonna sit here and comfort me!" Yes, I decided what she said when she looked at me. The owner wasn't home.

We tried for almost 2 hours to get her up. We pushed and we pulled, but she didn't even make an attempt to get up. She just laid there. We called Animal Control and was told they were closed on Wednesdays. We called the Sheriffs department and were told they would come out "when and if" they found the time because it was not a top priority. We called the Fire Dept to see if they could help us, because a horse can no lay on it's side for that long. NOBODY would help. I felt so damn helpless.

To make a really long day/story short....I sat with Justice for 5 hours on the side of the road. We were fortunate that a lady who owns a horse rescue just happened to drive by. They couldn't do anything without the owners permission because it was outside of her jurisdiction. She knew the horse was going to die. After 3 hours the owner finally got home from work and called his vet. His vet told him he didn't have time to come out. I was so mad!!!! This horse was on her side, on the side of the road and you don't have time? What kind of vet is that?

I'm making this long again sorry....long story short, her name is Justice, she had to be put down. Her head lay in my lap and I talked to her, and caressed her as she went. It broke my heart. I cried and cried. In those 5 hours Justice and I became fast friends. She was comfortable with me, and I liked comforting her. She was a beautiful girl, but she is in a better place now.

The owner surrendered the other horse "Maxine" to the rescue group where she is now learning ground manners and how to be handled by people. While she wasn't malnourished, her feet had never been taken care of and her hooves were terribly over grown and were mushrooming out. They are taking care of it but said it will be about a year before they can get them into "decent" shape. Those are not her hooves just and example of what they kind of look like. I'll be visiting Maxine and taking pictures of her progress.

Credit Score

I never really knew much about credit or credit scores but I have spent the past year really trying to improve my credit score. I had no idea what my score was, what effected it or even what a good rating was. It wasn't that I didn't care, I guess I just didn't have much knowledge when it came to my credit. I never had credit cards and only once had a car loan in my name. I never really had a reason to think about my credit.

Over the past year though Prince Charming and I have talked a lot about credit, and slowly I've learned. I have started doing a lot of reading about credit scores and am taking back control of my credit. 2 years ago was when I got my first credit card. It had a low credit limit which I was ok with. I was just learning after all. I made sure I was never late on my payments. After a year of having that card I decided I'd try for another and I got it. Then I really got excited about my credit and felt like I was going to be able to fix it.

But what was I fixing? I had never even seen my credit report to know if it was bad or good or in between. How can you fix something if you don't know if or what is broken? That of course which prompted me to get my free credit score. I did that about 2 weeks ago. I still have some fixing to do on it. I actually found several things on my credit report that should not be there. Just as bad, they've been there since 2005 and I didn't know it because I never bothered to look at my report.

What really prompted me to get my report was I started receiving calls from bill collectors telling me that I owed them money for SBC Ohio and Sprint. I didn't know who SBC Ohio was and Sprint I didn't have an account with so I couldn't figure out why they were calling me. The company on the phone couldn't/wouldn't give me the address they had for me so I refused to give them any of my info. So when I got my report I looked it over and sure enough neither of these companies or anything related to them are on there. There are 2 things on my report that I have to dispute because they aren't my accounts.

So starts the long journey of fixing my credit and actually knowing what I'm fixing!

Autism Awareness

 

**credit**

Most of you don't know that I have a nephew with Autism. So for Awareness Wednesday this month I will be doing a Q & A with my sister, who has first hand knowledge. I can't think of a better person to ask about Autism and the world inside than someone who lives with it every day.

When did you first notice signs of autism?

Zach was four months old when I noticed that he didn't make sounds or follow objects with his eyes. He didn't jump at loud noises. He didn't respond to anything. He didn't cry. I remember thinking he was either deaf or autistic.

What were the signs? 

As he got older it was more noticeable. He played along side other kids but not really with them.

How old was he when he was officially diagnosed?

Because Zach is high functioning, we didn't get an official diagnosis until he was 11 and a half years old. He was diagnosed with ADHD and High Functioning Autism.

What kind of testing did he go through for his diagnosis?

We saw a pediatric neuro-psychologist for a diagnosis. He went through 18 hours of testing. There were different tests. Some tested his intelligence, some his ability to plan what will come next, how to put things in order/groups, social situations, and still others.

Was the diagnosis hard for you to accept?

I know that it is hard for many parents to accept that something is different. I already knew. Getting a diagnosis simply told me what it was so I could learn how to treat it. So not really. The pediatrician and I were pretty sure that was the diagnosis we would get.

Was it hard for him to accept?

I am a firm believer that knowledge is power. Zach is fully aware of all of his diagnosis. He researched on the internet to learn more. He did fine after the research. He said that it explained a lot of things and his behaviors.

A really good poem for the parent of ANY special needs child:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

What Can 30 Seconds Do?

About 2 weeks ago I left work early as I always do on Mondays to cover for the long day on Tuesday. I'm always the impatient driver who can't stand to be behind someone going under the speed limit or sitting forever after the light turns green.

A - Z All About Me

Ok y'all I stole this from Erin @ Life with the Websters! blog and I wanted to do it. If you haven't visited her little part of the internet hop on over and do that.

A. Age: 25+ maybe a few years, but I'll never tell.

B. Bed size: King.

C. Chore you dislike: For some reason I don't mind washing the laundry or folding it, but man I hate to put it away and even more I hate to iron.

D. Dogs: 2 Chihuahuas - Tequila will be 4 in June ***Had to edit this to add my favorite dog Guapo who will be 3 in May. (Side note you should not blog at work because it's not so easy to write and focus on work at the same time.)

E. Essential start to your day:Mt Dew! I feel for this world if I ever wake up and don't have any. I actually have a bottle that sits on my night stand. Uhm...wait was I supposed to say kids or hubby here? Because they are an essential start to my day.

F. Favorite color: I love pink...everything pink! But I also love anything bright.

G. Gold or silver: Silver! Gold looks horrible with my skin tone.

H. Height: 5' 5"

I. Instruments you play(ed): None...unless yelling counts as playing my voice.

J. Job title: Mom, wife, daughter, friend, sister....receptionist.

K. Kids: Lexi (15...be 16 in less than 9 weeks) Megan (15) and Braydon (12)

L. Live: Just north of Nashville

M. Mom’s name: Leila (miss you mommy)

N. Nicknames: Lissy, Lissa or when I was younger Monkey or Lizard. I don't recall where any of these names stemmed from.

O. Overnight hospital stays: More than I can count. Hubby likes to say I visit the hospital like I visit WalMart.

P. Pet peeves: I have more than I can list but top of the list is mouth noises. They drive me insane!

Q. Quote from a movie: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" Gone With The Wind

S. Siblings:2 older brothers, 2 older sisters

T. Time you wake up: Weekdays 5:30 and weekends, whenever my dog shoves his tongue into my sinus cavity to alert me he needs to go out.

U. Underwear: Those are the things I call "choni's"  

V. Vegetables you don’t like: All of them pretty much. I only eat corn and green beans.

W. What makes you run late: Hitting snooze

X. X-rays you’ve had: I couldn't even begin to list all of them I have had.

Y. Yummy food you make: None really....I am on a quest to learn to cook.

Redecorating

Lexi has hit that age where it is time to redecorate her room. She is starting to want more sophisticated decor. So I've been scouring the internet looking for something unique and different that would fit her personality. I came across this website with an adorable collection of seventeen bedding. They have a wide variety of furnishings and decor from thousands of online stores. It's like having someone do the searching at different stores and picking the best. Kind of genius in my eyes.

I also fell in love with the idea of putting a dressing table and mirror in her room. She's becoming such a woman that she's gonna need the extra room for all her makeup, brushes, and hair irons. I can picture her in my mind sitting there doing her hair as her mom cries because she's growing so quickly.

Another very popular bedroom item is the moon chair. Kids love to have these chairs in their rooms and I must admit I love hanging out in them. The really big ones are so comfy to just lounge and chat in. The many different styles and colors make them easy to add as an accessory.

I want her room to be a retreat of sorts. A room she can rest in at the end of the day, a room that her and her friends can hang out comfortably in, and a room that is peaceful enough she can study in.

When is the last time you redecorated your child's room?