Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
There are just 3 days left until Christmas. I should be happy, I should be cheerful, and I should be in the Christmas mood. I'm not! Not even a little! I think that I'm stressing so much about not having the Christmas mood that it's making it worse.
Last night I drove to pick Braydon up. It's a little over an hour drive for me and where did my mind go? To the deepest and darkest of places. I tried to block the thoughts, turned the music up to try and distract myself, but nothing worked. My mind was in a dark place and that is where it stayed. I hate being like this!
Holidays are stressful on someone who is bipolar. They tend to send us to dark places. I thought that shopping would help...nope. Megan flying in would help....nope. Getting Braydon would help....nope. I just don't feel it. I love having Megan here with us, listening to the girls giggle over silly things. I love having Braydon with me, he's so silly when he tells the new jokes he's learned. Lexi is enjoying spending time with Megan, and was excited for Braydon to be with us.
Prince Charming has been really good to me through all these hard times. He knows I'm not feeling the joy, and he's been so sweet. Lots of cuddling and time together and that makes me happy. I love laying beside him, wrapped in his arms. I love the strength I feel in him and know that he's my rock. I would have crumbled into a million pieces this past month if I didn't have him holding me together.
I want this to be a good Christmas for all of them...so I have to find that cheer.
Don't try to hard, Melissa, maybe it will come when you least expected..Just go with the flow for now...
ReplyDelete(All I want to do is for this holidays to be over! Too stressful on me right now too!)
Melissa, believe in yourself and it will happen. Let the moment rush through you and with time....you'll be happy or really good at faking it :)
ReplyDeleteI think Christmas time is hard on everybody, but some people won't admit it. We all put too much pressure and unnecessary stress on ourselves in order to make it PERFECT for our family. There is no such a thing.
ReplyDeleteI am like you.Last few weeks I've been in pretty dark place and I am trying so hard to keep cheerful and do fun stuff with the kids, but when everyone goes to bed the darkness returns.
Prince Charming sounds like a keeper....just like my hubs.He tried so hard to make it better.
I hate when my sweet friend is down like that. I'm so glad that VG (lol) (did you giggle at that one) is being a sweetheart. Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteYou and me, both!
ReplyDeleteaww ((hugs)) hunny! Hope everything gets better for you :)
ReplyDeleteFound you through Shell's blog. I liked your honesty here. Someone in my life suffers from BPD too and I am always glad to get a little perspective.
ReplyDeletehang in there
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you said Prince Charming, bwahaha!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry girl. I love you and wish we could hang out together. I'm always here, even if my dumb computer isn't letting me on at times. Hang in there! xoxo
Coming by to wish you a wonderful holiday with your beloved family..
ReplyDelete